The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
