No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
