Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
