all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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