Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
