beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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