Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Boobs speak an international language.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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