Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
