goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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