I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
