Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
