The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
