I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
