Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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