how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
