Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Barsexuality is the new black.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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