your thong is hanging out like whoa
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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