Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
