I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
