Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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