OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
