Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
