How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think your dad took our porno
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
