Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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