Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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