so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
