quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
