Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
