guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
