Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
