turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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