Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
