If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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