Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
