i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
