You just made me feel so damn special
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
