easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
