omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize