why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
