How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
