Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
