You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
