Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
