he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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