There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
