He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
