Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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