I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
