Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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