capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
