JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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