Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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