WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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