I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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