Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We are two peas in an std pod
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
