Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
