nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
