i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
