Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
