He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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