ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
