My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you would pick up someone in the library
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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