I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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