Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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