She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
