Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
