Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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