I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need moral support for this bender
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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