i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
