You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize