i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
