Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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