Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
