There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
