Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
