I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
