ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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