Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
