Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize