I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
