did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
