Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
