I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize