HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
