dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
