Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
