So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
