Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
