the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
