no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
