Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
