Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
